Loving Yourself Is Complicated | The Turning Point Photoshoot | Vancouver Boudoir Photographer

Loving yourself is complicated

That's right, I said it.

I sometimes notice a tone that's taken with all the self-love talk that is patronizing and reductive - it goes something like, "Hey girl heeey! You should really xyz (insert product/service/advice/whatever here) because YOU are a queen and you deserve it and this xyz will fix ALL your problems!"

And that's true (that you are a queen and you deserve it) - but I'm going to tell you the truth because you also deserve the truth.⁠

The reality is, our self-worth and self-esteem go through ups and downs. We have moments where we question ourselves, doubt ourselves, compare ourselves to others; then there are moments where we feel so powerful, so radiant, so totally unshakeable - you know what I'm talking about, right? And I really want to normalize this because this is what shameless self-love looks like - it's a process, and there is no “finish line”.

I've spoken about this on my Instagram briefly, but I wanted to talk about it a bit on my blog so it's here for everyone to find and not buried in some square grid (where I admittedly talk way too much, but I just can't help but be my authentic self on the 'gram). You will never get rid of your inner critic, or as Dr. Stutz (you may know him from the movie Stutz) calls it, "Part X".

What you can look forward to however, when you practice genuine self-love, is not getting so caught up in the critical downward spiral that it takes you days, weeks, or even years, to get out of. When you learn to practice genuine self-love, those critical thoughts and inner voices can last for seconds, minutes, maybe even hours, but rest assured you won't get stuck "in" them for months or years. By improving your relationship to yourself - through self-love, self-compassion, self-respect, and self-forgiveness, the inner critic can have less and less and less control over you.⁠ You will reach a point where your criticizing thoughts and emotions no longer have a desperate urgency to them - you will look at them, and feel them, with a kind of compassionate detachment, and you'll be able to say, "There there little one, it's okay" , because inside all of us, the heart of our self-esteem issues, is a child that fears they aren't lovable.

I recently had a client who purchased her entire collection from her boudoir shoot, and she got four acrylic wall art pieces in the largest size I offer (24x30). She messaged me with photos of her newly mounted wall art and said, "I am glad I get to be reminded of my beauty everyday now". Her message absolutely made my day. I think that this is the beauty of doing a boudoir shoot (and getting those photos printed!). For some, a boudoir shoot is the answer to practicing greater self-love and self-reverence, and for others it might be or meditation or solo dinner dates or hiking (we are in Vancouver BC after all) - but whatever it is, you should find something that can help you cultivate more loving acceptance of yourself. I have a lot of activities that help me with this - writing, meditating, baking bread, taking photos, having my photo taken, making things...etc. etc. They are all activities which make me feel good about myself and teach me the art or self-respect and self-acceptance.

Another way that you can build self-love is by following through on your word. This one is foundational. You need to be able to trust yourself and that trust starts with doing what you say you will do. Of course we won't get it right all the time, but as much as you can, follow through.

As an artist and also a student of life, I look for truth at all times. I like to ask myself continuously, "Is that true?" - and the same goes for my work. I won't tell you that a boudoir shoot will change your life if I haven't heard my clients consistently tell me that it has helped them immensely. It really can be something that marks a turning point for you. A boudoir session can be (and I tell you this because this is the feedback I've received) a document that marks a positive shift or change in your life; the beginning of an empowered journey; a visual journal of when you decided to make a choice to really start loving yourself and embrace all that it means. To really get on the playing field and not just talk about the "should" and "shouldn't" but to throw yourself in and accept what lessons this tour of self-love really has in store for you.

You never know, this could be the start of something great.

Hi, I'm Pamela. I'm a boudoir photographer in Vancouver, BC. I like to help people practice greater self acceptance though boudoir photography. If you're curious about what this means, contact me and we can have a beautiful chat!