Reflections on then and now | Vancouver Boudoir

Whenever you’re reading this, dear visitor, you can be sure that I wrote this at night.

I write better at night - when the world feels quiet and when I feel like I can think. I usually have music that is playing in the background, heart pumping with inspiration. Inspiration to move, to feel, to channel something bigger than myself. To be connected, a conduit.

I had a little break from busy months in the studio, recently with IVF, then a trip to see family in Greece. A little space from work, from boudoir shooting. I lit my creative spark with film, my newish, tender love affair. Recently, I keep asking myself, who is the person I’ve become in this boudoir space? I’m not the same as when I first started this endeavour, back in 2016, in its infancy. I’ve gone through massive changes: the ending of a very important relationship, and the beginning of a new one. My parents getting older, their health declining, reflecting on how good they’ve been to me and how lucky I am. The loss of a friend, the gaining of new ones, and many other friends moving away (many, many; Vancouver just has that effect on people). A pandemic, total upheaval of normalcy, changing how I would interact and communicate with my friends, the world. Systemic racism, a reckoning. IVF, twice, not successful. Friends having so many babies. Film - 35mm, 110, 120 format, creating work that I am proud of. A climate crisis, getting worse. A studio move, the purchasing of a camper van, trips to other continents, learning sourdough (successfully, wow!), cooking, preserving and fermenting, staying up late to watch cooking channels. Going hiking, adventuring, getting back on skis. Another loss of a friend - devastating.

Just some of my things in the last 6-7ish years. Again, the question calls to me - who am I now? I was so different when I first started. Just a fledgling. Tweet tweet. Teeny tiny Pammy.

Yet, my core values are the same - aid others in the building of self-confidence. Give them the power to climb (negative self-talk) mountains. Light their hearts on fire with JOY. Inspire them to adore themselves shamelessly. Create a space which facilitates greater self-love, healing, and self-worth. Self-reverence. LEAVE IT BETTER THAN YOU FOUND IT.

Since 2016, self-love has become a huge fad - a buzzword - but I’ve walked the walk, and I know its power, which is why I’ve ended up here. And am still here.

That has not changed, and I am steadfast, guided by that objective. Hundreds of clients later, I hope to have achieved that aim. And I hope to continue to work towards it. Photography healing and helping, through a boudoir shoot. Having your own image reflected back to you. And when light is the only thing we really see, know that when you see yourself, you are really just seeing your own radiance. Light reflected back to you.

This is really just a check in. A hello. It’s evening, and I just felt like writing, to consider how life has and hasn’t changed - who I am now vs. who I was then.

I guess, in a way, this is my own version of loving myself - inking, documenting, and sharing some of the vulnerable parts of me.

And of course, a recent boudoir session with an incredible human, in my downtown Vancouver studio, below.